Often when we enter into a relationship, we give up pieces and parts of ourselves. We, I believe mostly women of my generation, have been culturalized to believe this is how you participate in relationship - you give of yourself. But I now realize that there is a difference. Give of yourself from your heart but don’t give yourself away.
For many women, the cultural expectation around the world for centuries was to become submissive to the man, your husband. This idea has become the unconscious program running in our heads. Many women give themselves away, losing precious pieces of self-esteem and self-respect. Over time resentments, anger and even shame begin to fester. However, we, both men and women are not here to be sub-anything; not subservient, sub-human, not less than our true selves. And I believe our true nature is Divine. We, all of us, are a divine spark of light, a divine and individualized expression of a Higher Source that is beyond description.
When we give ourselves away, we diminish that light within us. We disempower ourselves. We tell ourselves a lie, maybe consciously or unconsciously, that in order to be loved, to be in relationship, we must be less than the person we love. We must not outshine the man of the house. We must not outshine our business colleagues. We must not outshine ourparents. That is simply not true. And many relationships suffer because of that belief.
From my personal journey of inner excavation and exploration, I found within me a kernel of that spark, that light that I always was, even after having given pieces of myself away. Finding that inner spark of light helped me to uncover my true self that was never diminished no matter how “broken” I may have felt.
In finding my inner brilliance, I began to focus on that, allowing it to grow and radiate out into the world. I came to realize that I was lovable and in fact, I loved myself. What a concept.
In some ways I recovered pieces of myself that I had given or thrown away but I also uncovered the brilliant gem of my inner being - and what a beautiful discovery that was.
I don’t claim to have it all figured out - in fact I don’t. But I do know that we women are not meant to hid our inner brilliance. We are meant to radiate that light and in doing so, help heal the world.
Join us on the next LYIL Retreat and join with other women who are ready to be brilliant!